Religion is what we make it.

this may take a while.
I can't put thoughts into order.
I know what I am thinking, but how to speak, type, whatever it, is hard.

I love Chi Alpha.
I have met the nicest, truest friends though the organization, and I love them all.

-Kara, the sweetest little thing from the southern half of the united states. She is cultured and real, honest and true, and she loves to love.
-Kari, the first one to open the group up to me (besides Pablo, last year). She cares, and listens, and has an amazing voice.
-KayKay, so sweet. Like when she speaks, its sugary. Not in a fake "please stop talking" kinda way, but like in a "I am happy and have nothing bad to say today" kinda way, which I am always looking for, because I try to be positive, and it makes it that much easier to be around happy people.
-Shu, the most amazing Japanese boy ever. He is my soulmate, my homecoming king, my best friend with an accent. He is happy, encouraging, and sweet. Always smiling, hugging, high-fiving, which is totally me, but in an asian boy.
-Paige, the quirkey little girl. She sometimes says things that I don't agree with, but nonetheless she has helped to get me to know the other people, and I have known her for a little longer than the rest.
-Jared and Russell, two talented guitar players, who I am thankful did not shoot me and carly last year, cause they were our next door neighbors.
-Basden, for being so shy, but still taking the time to get to know me. He's just how I am when I first meet people, except for right after I meet them, I make a joke and laugh with them. But he is also talented at bass and has a great voice.
-Arika, sweet and funny, and helpful. So envolved it makes me want to be. And her bestfriend Lacey Moon is adorable and funny.
-Sara Lane, you made me so happy when you came and sat next to me that night at service. It was like you were pinpointing me, and you knew to come talk to me. I thank you. it meant a lot.
-Casey Wann. You hunk of burning love. My right hand man. My adorable teddy bear. The gap in your front teeth makes me smile from ear to ear, and when you laugh, it's so hard not to be happy. I think you're wonderful, and I am totally jealous of your girlfriend. she's got the right boy.
-Amanda, your so strong. I at times am intimidated by your will and drive and passion. I am always shocked of what you bring to your own plate and take on fabulously.
-Kelsie, you're in the same boat I am. Getting to know everyone this semester is hard, but you and I are fitting in great.
-Morgan. You are silly and wonderful, a spaz like me. All around happy go lucky, and great. I thank you for nominating me XA Homecoming queen. That made me laugh.
-Grogans, for your constant care. You're always making sure things are good. Always helping and spreading the horizon.

not last, and not least, but there are more and one I love most.

Melodie, you are my newest close friend. My newest bestfriend. You are on the same page as me, and you know my insides like I do. We always say "I know! I know what you mean." It really helps to have a friend here who gets me, loves me, and cares about how I am doing.

That's not all of them, there are more. I love them all. It pains me to say what I am gonna say next.

This group of people LOVE God. They love him, live by him, read the bible, pray, talk about God, invite people, witness, ect.
I am welcomed into the group of believers, when I am kind of on the outside looking in.
Please don't get me wrong, I believe in a higher power, I believe in God, I really do. I just don't take the bible literally, and I don't believe christianity is the only way into heaven. I don't even know if I believe in heaven and hell.
These people I love and care for, and who care for and love me back, are people I relate to in the fact that I love God, and I love living my life like a good person, but I am by no means going to Heaven. I do bad. I just do, I mean I do bad by the views of them. I don't think I live a double life, in fact if any of them wanted to know this about me, I would gladly tell them, and I am not lying but not saying how I truly feel. I speak to my god when i feel I need to. I write letters to myself, which in turn is speaking to him, but I do no pray on the daily, but daily I wish good things. I am a good person, with a good heart, good friends...

I just feel like an outsider.

I feel like if they knew I hated Palin I would be out. I feel like they might think so badly of me, and I have never been one to worry about what people think about me.
I feel there is a little guilt.

But not really.

In the end, I am a happy person, with great friends who believe in what I believe in, they just view it a little differently.
It's what we make it. It's how we see it, and put into use in our lives.

I just want to live a good life, be a good person, and raise my children to be good people as well.

no judging.